Nostalgia

The Sadist

September 24, 2020 — Leave a comment

The Lovers Diary Part VI,

I love being single right now. Days are busy, at times near overwhelming with all the tasks, but they are things to improve my life and Mr. Baby’s so I am glad.

The sadist is an eclectic mix I met a couple days ago. A mix I have not knowingly met before. Woodsy, nerdy, playful, dominant, sadist, refined style, and sweet. He builds things, grows aquarium, plants, camps regularly, built a cabin, makes animal skull lamps, and soups up big trucks and toy trucks for his kids. Yet, he has an air of sweetness about him that is so inherent no amount of sadism can drown it out. Fresh into sadism, introduced by a girl he dated or saw after breaking up with his ex. I see him as a thirsty new vampire that needs to learn to control his new urges. I was introduced to kink young, at 15, and many I have met into kink were introduced that young or younger. There always seems to be a person that is the catalyst though. It was inside of you and just needed them to activate it. The sadist is a hiccup away from mid life. He knows I am 1% submissive (that test is fun), but he still pursues me. A redhead lover he is, what a surprise. Trying to collect all the gingers like pokemon. We have a lot in common that I did not expect us to, I liked him because of plants, I did not expect him to be so…suitable to what I want and need right now. He came over wearing a shirt of a synth band my ex had introduced me to, some more obscure genre, and the sadist loves the artist, among a few others. It is weird to meet the chance of him being into the same synth artists. I see it as synchronicity and I am on the path I want to be right now.

I told the sadist not to bother with me because I am not a submissive. He says to me, “what am I going to do with you?” I reply, “go find one of your ginger subbies and leave me alone”.

He keeps pursuing.

I told him I would gladly have a submissive girl with him. I attract dominant men, the kind that like their equal or are egalitarian. I hope he finds a local sub so he leaves my porcelain skin alone. Like pushing a tiger away, no kitten. They growl, flicker their tail, and strut off.

He wouldn’t let me on top cowgirl style which has not happened in my life…ever. I am still pouting over it. But he is into face sitting, isn’t that counter?  He is rough but controlled, which I respect, and I can take a lot as I am strong and if I am in the mood. I like about him he doesn’t want to do sadism on someone not into it. He doesn’t like if someone says they did it for him he wants them to LOVE it. I am like that too. He shows me the girls he messages and I find it endearing the level of friendship we have already. I have affection for him and I tell him that. My first impression is I don’t see him as a boyfriend or a husband, but I think he is going to be a wonderful friend and companion at the very least. I have always wanted to learn ropes and he knows a little, he was stoked at the idea of going to lessons together. Except, neither of us will let one another tie each other up. So…we need to find rope bunnies. Oh, I got 100% rigger on that cute little BDSM quiz before too, and have been interested for many years in the art of it. I used to attend as many fetish shows as I could locally and in the bigger city. I miss them.

I would love to ask him if he can make some videos with me, I feel like…he would say yes. I also don’t want to be rude and ask right away. Our conversations flow easily and we have much in common. I find him amusing, he finds me amusing back. I had not deep throated in a long ass time. Still got it. He fucked my mouth and I enjoyed it. Would I enjoy it everyday? Nope. We cuddled, then he got on top of me. Like a brat, I put my arms back defiantly. He held my throat, then a little too much, I swatted him. His disappointments are playful. I rolled on top of him, and kissed him, he got me back down on the other side. Dang. We went to the bedroom, and my bed is no longer a virgin. You never forget your first, right? My bed frame is atrocious and loud especially for someone that vigorous. He is a gentleman and determined I came first, he went down on me, very, very well. He fucked me missionary and doggy, he came in my mouth and I was pleased.

He has a submissive coming over this week, a crazy one it sounds like. He said to me he had dumped her a few weeks ago because she wanted the house, family, etc and he thinks her motivations are inaccurate. I said listen to your gut, don’t let your hunger cloud your long-term safety. Also, hide all your fucking vulnerable shit and documents. No, I am serious. He said, yeah, maybe I won’t see her. Well, whatever his decision is, I hope he figures it out and sticks to it.

See how it goes. I would love to see him again, I will circle back around to his yard if he has drama with this suspicious submissive. I hope he finds a healthier one, pretty sure a dame like that would not be into a lady sadist being involved in equation and I don’t need some crazy bitch in my business when things have been so peaceful since I kicked out the ex. The sadist messages and we talk everyday, morning, afternoon, lunch, after work, evening. With saying that, I have an older Norweigan to see next week, I love my older men. I already know I won’t be tickled the same way as the sadist. The sadist has my affections, but I am committed to not being too involved until I understand how responsible he is for himself and figuring out his sadistic urges. Let’s see how this goes.

He kind of reminds me of the Camper Van lover. I can’t quite put my finger on what yet. Except they both are woodsy, it isn’t that, it is something different. Actually, I wonder where he is now a days. Last I spoke to him he was funding a start-up tech company in San Francisco.

xoxo

Chloe

The First Threesome

July 29, 2020 — Leave a comment

The Lovers Diary, Part IV

Personally, I am not a fan of threesomes. I understand it is a common fantasy for most, and for some it may work out. Me? Each one has sucked in some shape or form. I did gain the most from my very first threesome in terms of an evolution of my likes and being introduced to kink.

Here I was, 15, or more like 15 3/4. You know how important it is to specify how close you are to an older age when you are that young. There was me, my bisexual but more gay than straight boyfriend at the time, and a friend I would fuck a number of years later. It was a tame threesome, but when you are that young, anything is wild. We were at my then boyfriend’s grandma’s house where he lived. I would later be banned from visiting him there because I was apparently the bad influence. He was 18, I was 15. Just saying. His house wasn’t the only guy’s house I had been banned from as a teenager. I feel like over the years people I have spoken with and what started kink for them. There is a very defining moment burned into your memory. Those emotions make the past crisp and clear, or so it seems.

They were in their underwear, in my then boyfriend’s bedroom. I was in mine and they licked me gently from top to bottom. A story for another day is that I lost my virginity to that same boyfriend. Purposefully chose this boyfriend for that task, for the sole reason of I didn’t want to lose my virginity to someone I loved. I used to read as much as possible in the library, the loner I was, the little goth girl loner. Black hair, too thick raccoon eyeliner, tacky glitter and top to bottom black attire. Oh, but I had pink underwear on. Not thongs yet. Just full bum. I had read that you remember who you lose your virginity to the most because of the emotions. I read how oxytocin makes you attached to a man, especially as a female, once you have sex, POOF, attached. I sought out to connect my body to not associate sex and orgasms with attachment unless I chose to consciously. I used to read AskMen all the time and who knows what other guy blogs or things I probably shouldn’t have read as a teenager. I also had a subscription to Cosmopolitan and I took each advice column very seriously. Yes, even the ice cube and mint bubblegum blowjob articles. I tried it all and took it as seriously as anything I could at the time besides schoolwork. When I wasn’t studying school, I was either watching some sex education show, sexting over MSN with a boyfriend, reading about sex, or having sex.

To be honest, there was nothing too specific about that experience in being kinky. More so it opened my eyes to a world outside of Missionary. Okay, I was never a missionary girl. The next boyfriend I would be pouring wax on top of when I was 16 (the one after). This current boyfriend was more gay than straight, and he kind of went off a bit after we broke up. A number of years later I would sleep with the second guy, the non-boyfriend. Some of the worst sex of my life.

No, really.

xoxo,

Chloe

The Security Guard

July 27, 2020 — Leave a comment

The Lovers Diary Part III,

I had such a fondness for this one. When I was seventeen I worked in a clothing store. At the time, it was my entire world to be hired there. Living in a city by myself, freshly graduated and with all this freedom you get to know yourself a bit better.

In the mall there was a security guard, which is common. Even now when I seldom go into that mall, there seems to be the hottest, tall yummy guys. At this point I’m the older one, and I feel kind of bad even looking at them in that way. I have a fever for guys 6’0-6’4. I’m a short thing at 5’2 and they seem to enjoy my shortness as well. I’ll pick the things off the floor, if you pick the things off the top shelf for me 🙂 An old lady in a grocery store told me this once and I forever since have used it.

The security guard would frequent his rounds. Maybe a little…too frequently on his favourite store. Yes, that store was where I was. There was a second security guard I had a huge crush on that I never got to completion, but that’s okay. He wasn’t 6’0 anyways. This security guard later ended up applying for the police force and deleting a number of people that may trash his reputation as it is difficult to get into the force by who you are associated with. Yes, I was one of the girls deleted off his Facebook. Did I care? No. He still messaged me on my cell phone.

I don’t remember how long it took, but because I am shy, things can take a painfully long time to get me going for a hang out. He had a girlfriend, this monster of a girl who was one of the managers. I don’t condone now-a-days that he cheated on her. At the time, it was like a triumph over her and a nasty secret. He ended up dumping her later in years because her sister was an ex-drug addict and it didn’t look good for his police application.

We saw each other off and on for a few years with gaps in-between when I would be dating someone. I was loyal, he didn’t understand why. Sometimes I would visit him at the hospital he was later a security guard at, he would sneak out from his shift and I would park in the parking lot. Here we were 3 in the morning, in my car with awkward conversation. It was constantly awkward between us, a lot of sexual tension? Then he fucked me in my car. Or, I fucked him. I rode him, and I absolutely LOVE car fucking. I love kissing, there was a lot of kissing. He finished and I cleaned up, then he politely left and I drove him. Took my makeup off and fell asleep. I appreciate a thank you and I had a great time after EVERY encounter. He was perfect for this. Nor did he bother me when he wasn’t able to meet me and fuck me. I used to be 24/7 prepared and have things like tissues handy for any random encounter. Never leaving an excuse to not capitalize on an opportunity of sex. Extra panties in purse? Check. Mints? Check. Condoms? Check. Strict birth control schedule? Check, check, check.

Other times he would message me how his girlfriend was on vacation. The second she was gone he would message me and work his ass off to get me to say yes. Then he would massage me in my place, when my roommate at the time was away, and he would bang me on the floor, the counter, the couch. Anywhere, everywhere. I think we even banged on my roommate’s bed. Oops. His girlfriend was an all-natural looking girl. Me? The exact opposite. At the time I had severe red lips, black-blue hair, and a huge commitment to pin-up style. My lingerie was nice, and I would dress up and look extra good for whatever encounter. I never asked if he was banging multiple girls. Sometimes I felt like I was the only one he was cheating with. I probably would have been insulted if I wasn’t at the time. We saw each other off and on for a few years.

I haven’t checked on him in years. Last I did he had some mountaineering type photo with a pretty and natural looking girl. I hope he is well. I hope he got that police job.

xoxo,

Chloe