Camper Van

Part II, The Roommate

My Lovers Diary Part I,

I loved being in his house, beside the lake. He would rent it for several grand a month to tourists. He had a gardener. One of his many houses, of course. At the time, I played this interior design game religiously, daily. My anchor to mental stability at the time, I suppose. His interior design was gorgeous. Some done by himself.  I did not have press on or crafted nails from a salon the time. He watched me play my little game on my phone, and said to me, “You type like a girl who has had long nails.”

I pause, and think to myself, now that is an astute observation. Nobody had ever before noticed that or at least said it to me. Nobody has said it since. However, now-a-days I am quite the homebody. Yes, there is a very specific way girls with long nails type. Even after not having nails, it is still the way I type. What way is that? Using the flat padding on each finger. One at a time, as opposed to the top of the finger. Observe other peoples fingers after reading this, look at a woman with long fake nails. Now look at a woman with natural nails. Look at a woman with no manicure at all. What do you notice?

He is one of those serial entrepreneurs. Restaurant idea didn’t work out? Meh. Sold it for a cute penny. He travels often, investing in start-ups in San Francisco. Fucking me in his travel van, the kind you think of from Scooby Doo or hippies from Instagram. Perhaps, another money idea, but it was his way to keep stable.  After spending years in corporate boringness in Japan every week for years. Wearing those suits. Urgh, that van was the stability and balance. Licking my ass and fucking me raw in the back of that van, the one you saw rocking in the park, during daytime with muffled moans. That was me and him. Predator to predator escapism. I was his tiger, he was my panther. Curious about me, observing me. Letting his metaphorical teeth gleam from time to time. Never daring to cross me.

I always loved how he looked kind of hippie, this rich, rich, rich entrepreneur with such a slutty taste. I enjoyed his semi-loyalty to me. I enjoyed the van, and how he would steal my Netflix account, how he liked to use the community showers. He would bring me foods and drinks I asked for, as any polite gentlemen should when visiting a lady. How he knew pretty much every restaurant owner in the big city I resided in. I enjoyed how casual and easy our interactions were. Then suddenly, we would be fucking. Like a hungry bear, he would dive towards me. I loved how he is a vegan, yet, had this bad boy essence to him. Something ironic about being a vegan and a previous corporate entrepreneur got to me. The balance.

He loved when I was pregnant, he had never fucked a pregnant girl before. He wished to continue on as my trimester grew. I moved away. I kicked him off my Netflix account before that.

He is probably frolicking in San Francisco or Thailand as usual. 

xoxo,

Chloe

Speck

There is a vastness

Between you and I.

Further and further,

Until I see, not even a speck.

Out lay my hand

Cool beneath the breeze

Stiff in anticipation.

My eyes begin to blur,

Until I do not see, not even a speck.


Pika Poem

I wrote this about three years ago. On one of my arduous commutes of four hours one way, each week to go to work. The lonely trip, the buses, the skytrain, the dragging suitcases across gravel everywhere. I’ve gone through about ten suitcases in a couple of years. I wrote this about a girl who was my best friend and co-worker, when I realized how toxic our love and friendship was. We were addicted, like lovers. In all the rightfully wrong ways. Running to the phone desperately when the other would text message. Spending all day everyday together. Being apart was painful.

There is a punch to the gut even reading this poem after the years have passed, because the person you once were, is forever gone. Growing pains, hey?

Perhaps you can relate to a time in your life, or maybe right now. Can be a friend, a spouse, an ex. I was reminded of a favourite movie of a mine, Coraline, for some inspiration of this poem. I used to call her Pika, because she was cute to me, like pikachu. I was Kirby, pink, angry, and adorable.

Pika

Glutton of milk and honey

Her gaze sewed shut

Insatiable thirst leads her

Hatred and pain

She walks alone

Burdened and chained

White angels in her bloodstream

Her phantom friends

Comfort the spirit

Her true companions

Sliced with a smile

Pathway of narrow space

Fit for the queen of solitude

The mind, repulsed by gratitude

Leaks currency

Every step she takes

Sewing her gaze more shut

Every step she takes

She runs out of space

Every step we take together

She steps on me

Every body she steps on

Everybody does it, 

She says.

I watch her continue to sew

Breaks a needle

Finds another

Breaks a needle

She breaks needles

I stop following

She keeps sewing

How far away is she now?

I shall never seek to find out